The French are so-o-o-o rude!

I have heard versions of this remark snarled, whined, and growled so many times, it's a wonder I ever dared to venture onto French territory. An article I came across today cites a poll showing that the French are viewed by the British as the rudest, most unfriendly nation on earth. If English speakers overwhelmingly believe this to be the case, there must be some truth to it, non?

To those who believe for all the world that the French are insufferably rude (and probably not many among my readership are included in this number) , I offer what I have learned over many long and short visits to France. Call this little course How not to get treated badly in France 101.

Most of us in the US think of Japan as a culture of politeness. We understand that there are rituals of politeness that one would be remiss to ignore as a visitor in Japan. What we often overlook is that France could also be considered a culture of politeness. Polite rituals and codified formulas of politeness are deeply imbedded in French society, especially when it comes to interactions among strangers, be they French or foreign.

The US, in contrast, is a more casual culture. We tend to appreciate simplicity and what we would consider a lack of pretension. Years ago my father expressed disapproval at my landlord, to whom I referred as Mr. Gordon. He thought Mr. Gordon must have ego problems to insist on being called Mister. Except for my years in a southern state, I have heard very few Ma'am's and Sir's in the US. In France, titles are used much more frequently. It's sometimes hard for us casual folk to adapt to that. But if we well-meaning, informal Americans go to France and behave according to US standards, we do in fact come across as too abrupt and, well--rude. So if we are unwittingly rude because we didn't bother to find out what the norms are in France, why would French people go out of their way to be polite to our rude selves??

Most people presumably know that as the visitor in a foreign country, the onus is on the visitor to learn what is considered proper there and to act accordingly so that one does not embarrass oneself and one's compatriots. When we are chez les Francais, it makes sense to use the polite expressions that they use among themselves, or the English equivalent.

One American asked me why, when she went up to a French woman and asked for directions, the French woman started beating her with her purse. I told her that I was sorry that happened to her, but that the French woman must have simply been flat-out crazy. One could have the misfortune in any country to approach a lunatic, even with exquisite politeness, and to be flagellated with a handbag, I suppose. But by far the more common outcome is that if you make a polite and respectful approach, which might even seem exaggeratedly polite to an American, you are likely to be pointed in the right direction and perhaps even escorted to your destination.

So before the quiz over this mini-course, get a phrasebook and memorize (using the awful phonetic pronunciation guides if need be) a few of the polite expressions for approaching a stranger for information or for service in a place of business. Do NOT edit out the titles and seemingly excessive politeness. You will be treated with respect and hospitality, unless of course you are unfortunate enough to stumble across that French woman who likes to bludgeon American tourists with her handbag. If that happens, I'm sorry, but you're on your own.

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Hi,
I am English, married to a French girl and have lived in Paris and the deep French countryside twelve years with two daughters. These dudes are absolutely correct; my dear hosts are utterly unworkable permanently pre-emptively aggressive, prickly and impolite-the countryside is AS bad as Paris too-I live in it!
The way I see it (and live it) is to remember the French are an introverted family with their own rules. For a start linguistically and culturally they don’t actually talk to each other as much as the Anglo-Saxons because they don’t need to. They have roles and all is understood. Thus they freeze-up with the Anglo Saxon ingenuous curiosity they simply cannot understand individualism nor the idea that you talk to learn. The French are taught not to be curious about other culturesor subjects that they didn’t study-look at tin-tin cartoons and a thousand other popular culture ideas of other nations. So why this is so?
For a start they never had a Dr Johnson to say ‘The last refuge of a scoundrel is patriotism’. They are obsessed with warm feelings of patrie, hexagone ; la territoire, La france etc-they are the chosen race and it’s true few nations have built a Chambord, had a Poussin, Bizet, a Commune- or invented the TGV or aspirin-but what the French don’t realise is that they are still a feudal state the state is bigger than them and dictatorships and control freakery and serious oppression (that still exists in offices and factories everywhere daily ) built those wonderful gifts to humanity. Don’t forget paternalism the great macho ‘s like Renault, Michelin and de gaule were giving noblesse oblige to you worker peasants………..
Having lived in Arab countries, Japan, and south America, I have no doubt the French are in a class of their own in rudeness and like to be thought of as so. They are actually proud that they are rude because they are the chosen race anyway.
Working with them as opposed to smiling at them as a tourist you will realise they have far less respect for the individual and it’s largely because they are protecting their borders but also the fear is inspired by the great paternal figures to keep the populace in place-it's a national duty to consider foreigners neneath them. With so many countries around them too, they fear the united colours of Benneton syndrome – a pan-European dilution.

If you watch the national news on TV any night you will have at least five nationalistic jingoistic stories every ten minutes. They are obsessed with themselves as a race . Count the number of times the word ‘France’ is mentioned any night of the week –self-obsession is incredible.
About workers and service in France –everybody has a very small role or function in France. Our inititiative and individualism, even the fact that we are curious tourists is totally strange to the way they are educated-Deductive teaching makes them think in straight lines. Anything new or strange is an insult because it upsets the rules. Above all there is massive hierarchy pressure and they are citizens –not people.
Check out E.T.Hall on high context laconic societies and low context international societies to really find out why the French are so nasty. This done, you can understand why they are quite so vitriolic with the planet earth!

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Japan can be consider as a country of the politeness,and the goal of politeness is to make all of the parties relaxed and comfortable with one another, these culturally-defined standards at times may be manipulated to inflict shame on a designated party,so these things can easily be find in Japan,and the people and the leaders are going great under the circumstances.

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I don't think that this is true that the French are insufferably rude,every person has its own point of view so he can say that because this feeling comes to him but not to every one,people in French are really wonderful and mainly they are helpful to the others and always shows some brotherhood,so the things you told are really strange.

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I have traveled to many countries and Paris a number of time The rudness of the french was was horribly and ententionally It had a bullying aspect to it. A waiter once asked me if I wanted him to call the police when I asked about a bill. I said no. He said we did maistake ,we didn't charge you enough and asked for and received more money. You have top take my word for it that I was mild and subservient even fearful during the meeting. As soon as I could escape I gathered my three children and wife and headed for the channel. Or take this incident a young American military officer and his wife and children became lost while touring and pulled to a French military post. He went into the officers club and asked for directions. He spoke and English and German. He was immediately escorted out of the club without and answer, people just put the youir hands up and motioned for him to go back out the door. He said he felt unclean and waking to his car passed a French officer and his wife, the officer said ,"why don't you learn French." There are many more but thats enough. Here is the big thing I know.The French are only rude to Americans in France. Meet the French in another country and they kiss your butt in effort to suck up to you.never met a more diffident people than the French outside France.
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